Feeling lost in a sea of Faces.

I was born to a Father who had always wanted a little girl and a Mother who had always wanted a little boy. You can imagine how happy she was when I popped out. The spitting image of her. A constant reminder she was no longer free. I imagine, that's why she left me and my dad. I honestly don't know the reason. What I do know is she left, after that she'd pop into my life when it was convenient for her, and pop right back out after she'd made a promise she couldn't keep.

 My mother is not dependable in the slightest. And I swore when I was a teenager when I had kids of my own they would grow up with two parents and I would never make a promise to them that I couldn't keep. Now that I have a daughter I have had to make some really tough decisions. Leaving my mother and a good bit of my family out of her life has been one of them. Not having a mother to lean on during a pregnancy is so incredibly difficult. I sincerely hope my daughter doesn't have to go through the same thing.

Unfortunately life is not always fair. And the woman who gave birth to me. Who is supposed to be biologically programmed to love me, hates me and wishes I didn't exist. I don't want sympathy. I don't want a "mother figure" I want a mother who actually gives a damn. I know though, I will never have that. And I refuse to let my daughter feel the same way about me.

I'm just a Girl who comes from a broken home and has had her heart broken more by her family than any man that ever did her wrong. The sad truth is they all blame me.

Does biology give you the right to be called a Mother?

That is a very good question and the answer is... Hell NO! Biology has very little to do with being a Mother. If you give birth to a kid and then leave that kid for the next piece of ass that comes along and takes an interest in you, you are not a Mother, you are piece of shit. Look I have nothing against mothers in general I just have something against my own...

I'm 21, I have an infant daughter and an amazing Husband. I have an amazing Dad and 2 great step moms. What I don't have is a biological mother who cares about me. A family that thinks I belong anywhere other than a loony bin. Brothers and sisters or anyone in my family close to me to lean on.

I know what you are thinking is this whole blog going to be ranting and complaining?
To answer your question, no. That is not the intention. I'm just tired of fading into the background and so I'm going to tell my story.